The first letter of each paragraph spells out CARD CODE. The authors of the column imply a code where the letters A through M are encoded by black cards (so the ace of spades or clubs is A), and the letters N through Z are encoded by red cards (so the king of hearts or diamonds is Z).
Using this code on the table at the beginning will yield some nonsense for North and West. East says "BAD NOPE SRY," and South says "GIVE UP." But don't do that.
Instead, look at the cards mentioned in the text of the column. They decode to the message "NORTH XOR WEST." Go back to the table at the beginning and run an exclusive-OR operation on North and West's sets of cards, i.e., disregard the cards that appear in both sets. The cards held (bid? I don't know) by only one or the other spell the answer, STOVES.