"The Horrible Pyramid" by Ryan Veeder The story headline is "A cautionary tale of sorts". [Hi! I wrote this game for EctoComp 2013 between the hours of 8:20 PM on October 28 and 12:23 AM on October 29. The rules said you could only spend three hours writing the game; I actually took more like three hours and twenty minutes (not counting 43 minutes of breaks), but the game was accepted to the competition anyway so I feel ZERO REMORSE. The game in its original form actually took first place out of 24 entries! How nice! Because I love this game so much, I've decided to release a revised edition; that's the version you're looking at now. All comments (and section headings) are new to the post-comp release. Not every change has been noted, because I mean come on.] Volume - Boring Use no scoring. When play begins: now the right hand status line is "". [No extensions; we are kickin it OLD SCHOOL] Release along with cover art, a website, the source text, the library card, and an interpreter. Section - Help And About Section - CREDITS and ABOUT and WALKTHROUGH Abouting is an action out of world. Understand "credits" and "author" and "about" and "info" and "contact" as abouting. Carry out abouting (this is the about rule): say "[italic type]Thanks for playing [roman type]The Horrible Pyramid[italic type]. The original version of this game was written for EctoComp 2013 (a competition for spooky text adventures written in under three hours), in which it took first place. Hooray for me. This version has been updated and enhanced by adding additional hours of work.[paragraph break]If you'd like to play more games I've written, you can look them up at ifdb.tads.org. If you'd like to read more terrifying stories in the vein of [roman type]The Horrible Pyramid[italic type], you should check out my book [roman type]'MOTORCYCLUS[quotation mark][italic type] and Other Extremely Scary Stories. If you'd like to contact me about anything at all, you should email me at rcveeder@me.com or hit me up on Twitter where my handle is @rcveeder.[paragraph break]Thanks again! Have fun, and be safe[roman type]." Helping is an action out of world. Understand "help" and "hint" and "walkthrough" and "walkthru" and "walk through" and "solution" and "hints" and "tips" as helping. Carry out helping: say "[italic type]Here is a prose solution for this game, with spoilery bits rendered in ROT13 to save you from spoilers:[paragraph break]To get the crown: Cvpx hc gur guerr fvyire bowrpgf (yrtf, gbefb, naq pebpbqvyr urnq) fgerja nebhaq gur gbzo. Tb gb gur fuevar naq chg gur yrtf ba gur fcvaqyr, gura gur gbefb, gura gur urnq. Gnxr gur pebja naq chg vg ba.[paragraph break]To get the bracelets: Tb gb gur Jurry Punzore naq ghea gur jurry ercrngrqyl, hagvy vg trgf fghpx. Sbyybj gur ghaary gb gur fxryrgba, rknzvar vg, naq gnxr gur oenpref. Gura chg gurz ba.[paragraph break]To get the necklace: Gnxr gur pebbx sebz gur fgnghr bs Ncrcfvxerg. Ubbx gur arpxynpr jvgu gur pebbx. Chg gur arpxynpr ba.[paragraph break]Finally: Tb onpx gb gur Tenira Punzore naq tb abegu gb gur Ohevny Punzore, gura ragre lbhe fnepbcunthf[roman type]." Section - Defaults And Miscellaneous Understand "admire [something]" as examining. Instead of singing: say "[if prog is 0]You hum softly to yourself[otherwise if prog is 1]You sing a song from a movie you saw[otherwise if prog is 2]You sing backwards, confusing all those around[otherwise if prog is 3]You sing an E over high C for as many seconds as you are able to hold onto it[end if]."; Understand "dance" as a mistake ("[if prog is 0]You don't remember how to dance[otherwise if prog is 1]You shuffle back and forth for a few seconds[otherwise if prog is 2]You spin around the room[otherwise if prog is 3]You undance a lifetime of previous dances. Blank slate[end if]."). Instead of attacking something: say "[if prog is less than 2]Everything in this tomb needs to be treated with the utmost care and respect[otherwise]You can't break that! You and Apepsikret might need it in the afterlife."; Mouthing is an action applying to one thing. Understand "kiss [something]" and "mouth [something]" as mouthing. Instead of mouthing something: say "[if prog is less than 2]That would be decidedly unprofessional[otherwise]You kiss [the noun] passionately, memorizing its surface with your tongue[end if]."; Instead of kissing the player: say "What a good idea." Instead of jumping: say "You jump, but what this accomplishes is unknown to you."; Instead of smelling: say "Dust." Instead of smelling something: say "You fail to smell anything meaningful." Instead of thinking: say "You can't remember what you were trying to think about."; Instead of waking up: say "Right now, at least, you are definitely awake."; Instead of sleeping: say "You can sleep later."; Understand "pray" as a mistake ("[if prog is less than 2]Praying in this tomb seems a trifle sacreligious[otherwise]You say a prayer to your god-king Apepsikret, asking for his blessing, which of course he will give to a loyal follower/love-slave like you[end if]."). Understand "use [text]" as a mistake ("[italic type]Sorry, 'use' is too vague a verb for this text parser. Can you try something else?[roman type]"). Before inserting something which is not carried by the player into something: if the noun is in the second noun, say "It's already in there." instead; say "First you take [the noun].[line break]"; silently try taking the noun; if the player is not holding the noun, stop the action. Before putting something which is not carried by the player on something: if the noun is on the second noun, say "It's already on that." instead; say "First you take [the noun].[line break]"; silently try taking the noun; if the player is not holding the noun, stop the action. Thanking is an action applying to nothing. Understand "awesome" or "okay" or "great" or "nice" or "yay" or "hooray" or "good" or "thanks" or "thx" or "thank you" as thanking. Carry out thanking: say "You're welcome." Expressing displeasure is an action applying to nothing. Understand "dangit" or "dang" or "darn" or "drat" or "shut up" or "aw" or "aww" or "awww" or "agh" or "arg" or "argh" or "crud" as expressing displeasure. Instead of swearing mildly, try expressing displeasure. Instead of swearing obscenely, try expressing displeasure. Carry out expressing displeasure: say "[if prog is 0]You curse quietly[otherwise if prog is 1]You say a cuss word[otherwise if prog is 2]You swear loudly[otherwise]Silence! Apepsikret will not tolerate such naughty language[end if]."; Instead of saying sorry: say "Apology accepted." Understand "flip [something]" as turning. Understand "Hail Apepsikret" as a mistake ("'Hail Apepsikret,' you say aloud."). Instead of touching something: if the noun is a monkey: say "[if prog is 0]The silver is cool to the touch[otherwise if prog is 1]It feels smooth and cold; those are the main two feelings[otherwise if prog is 2][The noun] feels cold. Cold like a broken promise[otherwise if prog is 3]The figurine feels perfect, the way a human body feels when it's pressed up against another human body[end if]."; otherwise if the noun is wearable: say "[if prog is 0]The gold is cool to the touch. The weight of [the noun] against your fingers is oddly exciting[otherwise if prog is 1]It feels oh so very cold, which is nice[otherwise if prog is 2]Except for how cold and hard it is, [the noun] feels exactly like your own body[otherwise if prog is 3]It feels so hot. The gold has basically melted into your skin, at least in a psychospiritual sense[end if]."; otherwise: say "[if prog is 0]It feels dry[otherwise if prog is 1]It feels extremely dry, even moreso than you expected[otherwise if prog is 2]It feels optimally dry, like the way a great idea feels dry[otherwise if prog is 3]The tips of your tiny fingers are acutely aware of how perfect this object is[end if]." Volume - Rules And Scenario Section - The Progression System [The gimmick of this game is that the text gets crazier as you put on more of the queen's jewelry. 'Prog' is the variable that tracks this progression, and it's linked to the donning and doffing of wearables below.] Prog is a number that varies. Prog is 0. After wearing something: say "You don [the noun], and [if prog is 0]feel a slight shiver[otherwise if prog is 1]shudder for a moment[otherwise if prog is 2]everything starts making a lot more sense. A [italic type]lot[roman type] more sense. Yes[end if]."; increment prog; try looking. Check taking off something: let N be the number of things worn by the player; if N is 2: say "You can't take [the noun] off because then you would not feel as good or as happy or as appropriate or as powerful as you feel right now." instead; otherwise if N is 3: say "Apepsikret would be so so so so disappointed if he knew that you were even considering removing one of your royal vestments, and of course he does know because Apepsikret Knows All And Sees All, All Hail Apepsikret." instead. After taking off something: say "You feel somewhat guilty as you're taking off [the noun], but somewhat relieved once it's removed."; decrement prog; try looking. ['Try looking' is included to make it more explicit to the player that something is changing when you wear or take off something. This is called 'feedback' and players just eat that stuff up.] Section - Antechamber [FUN FACT: If you draw out this game's map, it is roughly pyramid-shaped! How droll.] Antechamber is a room. "[if prog is 0]This vestibule connects the exterior of the pyramid to the burial complex inside. Air currents carry in a faint smell of the outdoors[otherwise if prog is 1]You could leave the pyramid from here, although that seems hasty[otherwise if prog is 2]This is the room through which you and Apepsikret entered this gorgeous tomb[otherwise if prog is 3]There is no way out, which is perfect, this is the best place to be, here in a stone tomb with Apepsikret, the perfect man and also perfect god-king[end if].[paragraph break]Northeast: Shrine. East: [if prog is less than 2]a statue of the pharaoh[otherwise if prog is 2]a statue of Apepsikret[otherwise]a lovely statue of lovely Apepsikret[end if][if prog is less than 3]. South: Outside[end if].". Check going south in Antechamber: if prog is 0: if the number of wearable things enclosed by the player is 3: say "With the regalia of Apepsikret's queen in tow, you return to your camp and file the artifacts for later examination. After weeks spent studying the statues and engravings in the pyramid, the artists employed by your museum are able to produce a lifelike model of the woman, still known only as Apepsikret's Queen, to wear the crown, necklace, and bracelets in an exhibit that will travel across the United States and inspire in thousands of Americans a curiosity in and a respect for ancient Egyptian culture.[paragraph break]Although the Queen's identity will forever remain a mystery, everyone who views the model can agree that she was a very beautiful woman."; end the game saying "And nothing scary happened at all."; otherwise: say "Your research finished, you take your leave of this unseemly tomb and return to your University. You have escaped The Horrible Pyramid."; end the game saying "But at what cost?"; otherwise if prog is 1: say "As much as you'd like to leave, it occurs to you that you don't really want to leave all that much." instead; otherwise if prog is 2: say "You can't leave now! So rude." instead; otherwise: say "Impossible. You will definitely remain in this tomb with your gorgeous husband Apepsikret for the rest of time, or for eternity, whichever comes first." instead. Section - Shrine [Obviously this room is based on the Shrine of the Silver Monkey from Nickelodeon's Legends of the Hidden Temple. Implementing this puzzle in a short amount of time was actually easier than I thought it would be.] Shrine is a room. "[if prog is 0]This room appears to be a shrine of some kind[otherwise if prog is 1]This room must be a shrine, probably[otherwise if prog is 2]You find yourself in a shrine most likely[otherwise if prog is 3]Here is Apepsikret's completely horrifying and hypnotic shrine to Sobek, the monster god of monster crocodiles, who eats ibises whole, who grins toothily upon those whom he favors upon, whose head is like unto that of a crocodile[end if].[paragraph break]Northeast: Wheel Chamber. Southeast: Graven Chamber. Southwest: Antechamber.". Shrine is northeast of Antechamber. The spindle is here. The spindle is a supporter. The description of the spindle is "A spindle is a long straight vertical bar kind of thing." Rule for writing a paragraph about the spindle: if the number of things supported by the spindle is 0: say "A long metal spindle is set into a pedestal here."; otherwise if the number of things supported by the spindle is 3: say "[if prog is 0]A figurine in the image of the god Sobek is mounted on top of a pedestal here[otherwise if prog is 1]The crocodile guy on the pedestal is merely a model. The real crocodile guy has got to be at least three times bigger than that[otherwise if prog is 2]On the spindle on the pedestal is an image of that famous crocodile-headed man you've heard so much about[otherwise if prog is 3]Sobek's silver statue is sitting on the pedestal, grinning toothily upon you even as I speak[end if]."; otherwise: say "Mounted on the pedestal's spindle is [a list of thing supported by the spindle]." Instead of taking the spindle, say "The spindle is built into the top of the pedestal." The pedestal is scenery in Shrine. The pedestal is a closed container. Understand "chamber" as the pedestal. Instead of taking the pedestal, say "The pedestal belongs where it is." Instead of putting something on the pedestal: try putting the noun on the spindle. Instead of putting something on something supported by the spindle: try putting the noun on the spindle. A thing can be a monkey. The pair of miniature silver legs is a monkey. The silver legs is in antechamber. The initial appearance of the silver legs is "A pair of miniature silver legs is lying on the floor here." The description of the silver legs is "[if prog is 0]These silver legs, apparently part of a larger figurine, have a long circular hole along the longitudinal axis[otherwise if prog is 1]There's a long hole down the middle of these silver legs[otherwise if prog is 2]These naked male legs have a hole in them, for a very good reason. The reason is so that they can go around a specific spindle[otherwise if prog is 3]The completed image of Sobek is completely complete[end if]." The miniature silver torso is a monkey. The torso is in Wheelroom. The initial appearance of the silver torso is "A miniature silver torso is lying on the floor here." The description of the silver torso is "[if prog is 0]This silver torso, apparently part of a larger figurine, has a long circular hole along its longitudinal axis[otherwise if prog is 1]There's a long hole down the middle of this silver guy's body[otherwise if prog is 2]This naked chest and set of abs has a hole through where the spine or throat would normally be[otherwise if prog is 3]The completed image of Sobek is completely complete[end if]." The miniature silver crocodile head is a monkey. Understand "depression" and "sobek" as the crocodile head. The crocodile head is in Canopic Chamber. The initial appearance of the miniature silver crocodile head is "A miniature silver crocodile head is lying on the floor here." The description of the the crocodile head is "[if prog is 0]There's a circular depression in the base of this silver crocodilian's jaw[otherwise if prog is 1]This is a really freaky-looking crocodile head[otherwise if prog is 2]This is either the crocodile head of Sobek, the crocodile-head god of crocodiles, or it's just the head of a regular man-eating crocodile[otherwise if prog is 3]The completed image of Sobek is completely complete[end if]." Check putting something on the spindle: If the noun is not a monkey: say "[The noun] is clearly not meant to be placed there." instead; otherwise: if the noun is the pair of miniature silver legs: continue the action; otherwise if the noun is the miniature silver torso: if the pair of miniature silver legs is supported by the spindle: continue the action; otherwise: say "The torso fits around the spindle, but it clearly is meant to have something else underneath it, so you take it back." instead; otherwise if the noun is the miniature silver crocodile head: if the miniature silver torso is supported by the spindle: continue the action; otherwise: say "The crocodile head fits around the spindle, but it clearly is meant to have something else underneath it, so you take it back." instead. After putting something on the spindle: if the noun is the silver legs: say "The legs slide [if prog is greater than 1]extremely [end if][if prog is greater than 0]perfectly [end if]smoothly down the spindle and lock into place at its base."; otherwise if the noun is the silver torso: say "You push the silver torso down around the spindle, and it fits snugly on top of the silver legs[if prog is greater than 1], just as you always thought it would[end if]."; otherwise if the noun is the crocodile head: say "The [if prog is 0]sinister [otherwise if prog is 1]creepy [otherwise if prog is 2]grotesque and magnificent [end if]crocodile head clicks into place above the silver torso, completing [if prog is 0]the figure of Sobek, the crocodile-headed god of the ancient Egyptians[otherwise if prog is 1]the image of a man with a crocodile head for a head[otherwise if prog is 2]the image of a crocodile-headed dude that you are both terrified of and horrified by[end if]. Something underneath the spindle creaks[if prog is greater than 0][unicode 8212]or perhaps screams in incredible pain[end if].[paragraph break]A hidden chamber opens in the pedestal, revealing a [if prog is greater than 1]disgustingly lovely [end if]golden crown."; now the pedestal is open. Instead of removing something from the spindle: say "[The noun] is stuck on the spindle." Instead of taking something that is supported by the spindle: say "[The noun] is stuck on the spindle." The golden crown is in the pedestal. The golden crown is wearable. The description of the golden crown is "[if prog is 0]This golden crown, very similar to that worn by Apepsikret's queen as depicted in that engraving, looks like it would be quite heavy to wear on one's head[unicode 8212]and yet..[otherwise if prog is 1]This is a great golden crown and frankly you couldn't be happier about it[otherwise if prog is 2]You are completely in love with this golden crown, which belongs on your head just as much as any of your millions of beautiful strands of hair[otherwise if prog is 3]It is perfect for you to be wearing this crown, and you are perfect because you are wearing it, and god-king-wizard Apepsikret is pleased[end if]." Section - Pharaoh's Statue Pharaohstatue is a room. "[if prog is 0]This room is given over to a large statue of this tomb's tenant, the pharaoh-magician Apepsikret[otherwise if prog is 1]Here is a massive statue of that Apepsi guy[otherwise if prog is 2]A huge statue of Apepsikret is here and it looks pretty buff[otherwise if prog is 3]Here is that rock-solid statue of that rock-solid man-god-king-wizard Apepsikret, with abs like diamonds that you could cut diamonds on [italic type]if he deigned to permit diamonds to be cut upon it[roman type] all glory to Apepsikret[end if].[paragraph break]East: Graven Chamber. West: Antechamber.". Pharaohstatue is east of Antechamber. The printed name of Pharaohstatue is "Pharaoh's Statue Chamber". The statue of the pharaoh is in Pharaohstatue. Instead of examining the statue of the pharaoh: say "[if prog is 0]Apepsekrit here looks like a well-proportioned and handsome individual, but of course any depiction of a pharaoh will portray its subject in a flattering light[otherwise if prog is 1]This Apepsekrit fellow was a good-looking god-king[otherwise if prog is 2]You are completely mesmerized by the majesty and abdominal muscles of god-wizard-king Apepsekrit[otherwise if prog is 3]This is definitely what your husband Apepsekrit looked like in life, and definitely continues to look like now, only more embalmed and deader[end if][if something is supported by the statue of the pharaoh].[paragraph break]The statue is holding [a list of things supported by the statue of the pharaoh][end if]." Instead of taking the statue of the pharaoh, say "The statue is too [if prog is 0]fragile[otherwise if prog is 1]heavy[otherwise if prog is 2]precious[otherwise if prog is 3]perfect[end if] for you to carry it around." Rule for writing a paragraph about the statue of the pharaoh: say "The statue is holding [a list of things supported by the statue of the pharaoh]." Instead of putting something on the statue of the pharaoh: say "You can worry about that later." The crook is on the statue of the pharaoh. Understand "hook" as the crook. The description of the crook is "[if prog is 0]The shepherd's crook is a long staff with a hook at one end, an insignia of the pharaoh for much of Egypt's ancient history[otherwise if prog is 1]It's a big stick with a hook on it[otherwise if prog is 2]A crook is a stick with a hook. Take a look. It's in a book[otherwise if prog is 3]You hook things with it, like sheep, or slaves. Apepsekrit won't mind that you've been using it; he's lovely that way[end if]." [The applications of the crook will be covered in the Queen's statue chamber's section.] The flail is on the statue of the pharaoh. The description of the flail is "[if prog is 0]The flail, along with the crook, symbolizes the pharaoh's power and connects him with Osiris[otherwise if prog is 1]It's a flail, such as you use to flail things with[otherwise if prog is 2]The significance of the flail is as useless to you as it is unimportant[otherwise if prog is 3]You do not need this flail, which is fine, because you don't need it[end if]." Some abdominal muscles are part of the statue of the pharaoh. Understand "ab" and "abs" and "muscle" as the muscles. The description of the muscles is "[if prog is 0]They're all right, you suppose[otherwise if prog is 1]They are great abs[otherwise if prog is 1]They are fantastic abs. Fantastic[otherwise if prog is 3]Apepsikret always had the best abs. You recall all those hours you'd spend staring at them, the way you're staring at them right now, because you had nothing better to do, the way you have nothing better to do right now[end if]." Section - Wheel Chamber Wheelroom is a room. "[if prog is 0]This room is unremarkable but for the presence of a large wooden wheel mounted in one wall[otherwise if prog is 1]There is a big wooden wheel sticking out of the wall for some reason[otherwise if prog is 2]For reasons you can definitely guess and in fact have already guessed, a wooden wheel is stuck in the wall and in fact is definitely stuck in the wall[otherwise if prog is 3]Here in this room is where the wooden wheel that leads to adventure and death can be found, but it is of no importance to an immortal bride of Magic Incarnate such as yourself[end if].[paragraph break]Southeast: Canopic Chamber. Southwest: Shrine.". The printed name of Wheelroom is "Wheel Chamber". Wheelroom is northeast of Shrine. The sliding slab stone door is a door. The sliding stone door is northeast of Wheelroom and southwest of Tunnel. The sliding stone door is closed. The printed name of the sliding stab stone door is "stone door". The initial appearance of the stone door is "[if the location is wheelroom and slider is 0]A stone slab blocks the way to the northeast[otherwise if the location is wheelroom]There's a space open beneath the stone slab to the northeast[otherwise if slider is 0]A stone slab blocks the way to the southwest[otherwise]There's a space open beneath the stone slab to the southwest[end if]." The description of the stone door is "It is a massive slab." Instead of opening the stone door: say "The block of stone is too heavy for you to move it on your own." Instead of closing the stone door: say "[if Slider is 0]The door is already closed[otherwise]The door is already closing itself[end if]." Instead of taking the stone door: say "Moving the slab of stone on your own would be impossible." The big large wooden wheel is here. The printed name of the wheel is "wheel". The wheel is scenery. Instead of taking the wheel, say "The wheel is built into the wall." The description of the wheel is "[if prog is 0]Though obviously constructed millenia ago, this wheel apparently can still be turned and actuate the connected mechanisms[otherwise if prog is 1]This ancient grody wheel can still turn around, which is kind of amazing[otherwise if prog is 2]The wheel can turn, just like the sun turns in the sky, just like the earth turns below the sun, just like your body turns into a disgusting mummy and then you steadfastly refuse to rot in the incredible dryness of The Horrible Pyramid[otherwise if prog is 3]This is that wheel that has already been mentioned and has served its purpose. It might as well just dissolve into dust just like that skellington guy's skin and internal organs did[end if]." The cavity is part of the sliding slab stone door. Understand "space" and "hole" and "door" and "doorway" as the cavity. The cavity is an open container. Does the player mean inserting something into the cavity: it is very likely. Instead of examining the cavity, try examining the stone door. Check inserting something into the cavity: if Slider is 0: say "There's no space to put anything under the door." instead; otherwise if the cavity contains something: say "[The list of objects contained by the cavity] is already holding the door up." instead; otherwise if the noun is the crook or the noun is the flail: now Slider is 6; now the stone door is open; continue the action; otherwise: say "[The noun] wouldn't do a good job of holding the door up." instead. After inserting something into the cavity: say "You jam [the noun] underneath the stone slab." [This puzzle was a huge pain to implement and is probably a huge pain to solve. I apologize.] Slider is a number that varies. Slider is 0. The sliding stone door can be stuck. The sliding stone door is not stuck. Before turning the wheel: if the stone door is stuck: say "You spin the wheel, but nothing happens. The stone door is stuck up in the ceiling." instead. Instead of turning the wheel: increase Slider by 5; if Slider is greater than 10: say "You continue turning the wheel, and the stone door continues to rise, but then something cracks[unicode 8212]the wheel no longer gives any resistance, and the door stops moving."; now the stone door is stuck; otherwise if Slider is greater than 8: now the sliding stone door is open; say "As you continue turning the wheel, the stone door rises further, now high enough for you to walk comfortably underneath."; otherwise if Slider is 4: say "You turn the wheel, and the stone door to the northeast begins to rise from the floor."; otherwise: say "You turn the wheel, and the stone door continues to rise." An every turn rule: if the stone door is not stuck: if the the cavity contains something: if the location is Wheelroom or the location is Tunnel: say "[The list of things contained by the cavity] is holding up the door, preventing it from sliding shut."; otherwise if Slider is greater than 0: decrement slider; if Slider is 0: if the stone door is visible: say "The stone door falls to the ground with a thump."; if the location is Tunnel: say "[line break]You have trapped yourself inside of the Horrible Pyramid, and it is here, inside of the Horrible Pyramid, where you will definitely suffocate and die."; otherwise if the location is Dead End: say "You hear a thump at the other end of the tunnel, which means that the sliding stone door has slid back down to the floor and sealed you inside of this tunnel inside of the Horrible Pyramid, and it is here, inside of the Horrible Pyramid, where you will definitely suffocate and die."; otherwise: if the stone door is visible: if the current action is turning the wheel: say "When you stop turning the wheel, the door begins sliding back down."; otherwise if Slider is less than 5: if the stone door is open: now the stone door is closed; if the location is Wheelroom: say "The space under the door is no longer high enough for you to walk underneath comfortably."; otherwise: say "The stone door continues to slide down toward the floor."; Check going northeast in Wheelroom: if Slider is 0: say "The stone door is completely flush with the floor; you can't get underneath." instead; otherwise if the stone door is closed: say "There's not enough space underneath the door for you to get through and be sure you'll get out." instead; otherwise: continue the action. Check going southwest in Tunnel: if Slider is 0: say "The stone door is completely flush with the floor; you can't get underneath." instead; otherwise if the sliding door is closed: say "You roll underneath the rapidly lowering stone door."; now the stone door is open; continue the action; otherwise: continue the action. Section - Burial Chamber [In the original version, the game ended immediately when you entered the burial chamber, but that's because I ran out of time. You should be able to mess around in the burial chamber for a while first. And now you are. The original text for when you entered was: The sarcophagus is open, and your god-king-groom-wizard-master is within. His eye sockets glint like empty wells as you approach, and he smiles with his tiny chipped stumps of teeth.[paragraph break]You are so glad you've found him, and I am thrilled, I am beyond thrilled, I weep nonexistent eternal tears of invisible joy to know that you have finally found me, the omnipotent and undying Pharaoh Apepsikret, and you are weeping as well, because now you and I will be dead together forever as mummy husband and mummy wife, here in the depths of the Horrible Pyramid. Every turn while in Burial Chamber: end the game saying "The End".] Burial Chamber is a room. "You are in heaven, which is a tiny square-shaped room inside of a much larger triangle-shaped thing made out of rocks, and all of your senses are spasming and gibbering with bliss." The sarcophagus is in burial chamber. Understand "coffin" and "casket" as the sarcophagus. Instead of taking the sarcophagus, say "Even if your silly human body could lift it, there would be nowhere else to put it. Think about it. No, let Apepsikret think about it." Rule for writing a paragraph about the sarcophagus: say "The sarcophagus is open, and your god-king-groom-master-wizard is within." Instead of examining the sarcophagus, say "Apepsikret ordered that a pyramid be constructed in an obscure reach of the cursed desert, and it was done; Apepsikret ordered that flawlessly sexy statues of him and his unborn wife be carved and installed in that tomb by blind eunuchs, and it was done; Apepsikret ordered that a sarcophagus wide enough to be shared by him and his unborn wife be crafted from the bones of the aforementioned eunuchs, and it was done." Instead of searching the sarcophagus, say "Apepsikret rests in the sarcophagus, waiting." The pharaoh mummy corpse wizard god king master body husband Apepsikret is a man. Apepsikret is in the sarcophagus. The printed name of Apepsikret is "Apepsikret". Instead of kissing Apepsikret, say "You mouth up passionately on your husband's mouth, eager to suckle at his omnipotence like the endless fountain of magical energy that he is, but Apepsikret is unresponsive, because his earthly muscles stopped working shortly after he was ritually murdered in 2184 BC." Instead of giving something to Apepsikret, say "You own [the noun], and via the transitive property so too does Apepsikret own [the noun]." Instead of showing something to Apepsikret, say "Apepsikret smiles upon [the noun] with his tiny motionless triangle stumps of teeth." Instead of waking Apepsikret, say "Such matters are of no relevance to corpses." Instead of attacking Apepsikret, say "Impossible. There is only love in your heart, which is also Apepsikret's heart, which you love with all your heart." Instead of telling Apepsikret about something, say "Apepsikret nods politely and motionlessly." Instead of asking Apepsikret about something, say "Apepsikret explains the issue in complete and perfect detail." Instead of taking Apepsikret, say "But he is already right where you belong." Understand "skin" and "finger" and "fingers" and "hands" and "bandage" and "bandages" as Apepsikret. The description of Apepsikret is "He is gorgeous. His black vegetable skin is gorgeous; his ragged and stained bandages are gorgeous; his tiny, withered fingers, like desiccated worms sticking out of his overcooked hands, are just adorable. You could just eat him up, except actually it is he who will eat you up, psychically, when your cosmic union is consummated." Instead of entering the sarcophagus: say "His eye sockets glint like empty wells as you climb into the casket, and he smiles with his tiny chipped stumps of teeth as you lie down beside him.[paragraph break]You are so glad you've found him, and I am thrilled, I am beyond thrilled, I weep nonexistent eternal tears of invisible joy to know that you have finally found me, the omnipotent and undying Pharaoh Apepsikret, and you are weeping as well, because now you and I will be dead together forever as mummy husband and mummy wife, here in the depths of the Horrible Pyramid."; end the game saying "The End". Section - Graven Chamber Graven Chamber is a room. "[if prog is 0]This area seems intended as an architectural focal point of the tomb, and you stand on an apparent line of symmetry that should indicate the position of the burial chamber[unicode 8212]but you haven't found that chamber yet[otherwise if prog is 1]The weird itchy vibe in this tomb seems to be strongest here[otherwise if prog is 2]This is that room where you started[otherwise if prog is 3]This is it. This is the point where time intersects with space and then time puts on all of space's clothes and time starts to believe that time is space and now space has been completely subsumed by time and vice versa and everything is just fantastic. Apepsikret is just ahead[end if].[paragraph break]Northeast: Canopic Chamber. East: a statue of the queen. West: [if prog is less than 2]a statue of the pharaoh[otherwise if prog is 2]a statue of Apepsikret[otherwise]a lovely statue of lovely Apepsikret[end if]. Northwest: Shrine.". Graven Chamber is east of Pharaohstatue and southeast of shrine and south of burial chamber. The engraving north wall engraved door is here. Understand "king" and "queen" and "pharaoh" and "Apepsikret" as the engraved door. The printed name of the engraving north wall engraved door is "engraving". [This originally was a door, and it acts in the fiction as a door, but telling Inform that it's a door mostly just causes you problems.] The initial appearance of the engraved door is "[if prog is 0]The north wall is decorated with a huge engraving[otherwise if prog is 1]The engraving on the north wall seems odd for some reason[otherwise if prog is 2]The north wall is rippling and undulating and whispering and wobbling impatiently[otherwise if prog is 3]There is no north wall. The burial chamber is to your immediate north. There never was a north wall. Why would there be a north wall? How stupidly hilarious[end if]." Instead of taking the engraved door, say "[if prog is 0]Moving the entire wall is impossible[otherwise if prog is 1]You can't really move a wall. It's stuck where it is[otherwise if prog is 2]You can't move it from where it is. It's barely even there to begin with[otherwise]What? No[end if]." The description of the engraved door is "[if prog is 0]The engraving depicts the pharaoh-magician Apepsikret, wearing the crowns of Upper and Lower Egypt, carrying the crook and flail that are the symbols of his office. The wands in his other hands (and the fact that he has two extra arms) probably serve as indications of his supposed magical power.[paragraph break]Standing next to the pharaoh is his queen, who prior to uncovering this tomb you did not know existed[unicode 8212]and whose name you have not yet been able to discover. She, too, is wearing a crown, along with a golden necklace and a pair of golden bracelets, reminders of her husband's immense wealth[otherwise if prog is 1]The man is Apepsikret, and the woman is his wife. She's wearing a crown and a necklace and a pair of bracelets[otherwise if prog is 2]In the dazzling image floating around the north wall the god-king-wizard Apepsikret stands in stately splendor with his gorgeous wife, who is wearing the gorgeous crown and the gorgeous necklace and the gorgeous pair of bracelets that her gorgeous husband had fashioned especially for her, and whose name is probably Anne[otherwise if prog is 3]What are you even talking about[end if]." Before going north in Graven Chamber: if prog is 0: say "You can't walk through a solid wall." instead; otherwise if prog is 1: say "You can't walk through this wall, as much as you'd like to." instead; otherwise if prog is 2: say "You very nearly almost can walk through the wall, which would be ideal, because this wall seems like it shouldn't be there, and ideally you assume that being on the other side of this wall is preferable to being on this side of this wall, but you still are not prepared for what is on the other side of this increasingly insubstantial wall that you keep going on about." instead; otherwise: continue the action. Professor Anne Chambers is a woman in Graven Chamber. The player is Professor Anne Chambers. The description of Professor Anne Chambers is "[if prog is 0]You are Professor Anne Chambers, archaeologist and Egyptologist of no small repute. Though your experience in this arena is extensive, you are forced to admit that you have never encountered a pyramid as unusual as this one[otherwise if prog is 1]You are Anne Chambers, a woman who studies Egypt by digging things up out of the ground, but you have never defiled a pyramid as weird as this one[otherwise if prog is 2]Your name is Anne and you are supposed to be here in The Horrible Pyramid, which is perfect because you are here in The Horrible Pyramid even as we speak[otherwise if prog is 3]You are Queen Anne Chambers, the exalted consort of the yet-still-more-exalted Pharaoh Apepsikret, who is the handsomest and most powerful wizard in Egypt[end if]." Section - Tunnel Tunnel is a room. "[if prog is 0]The tunnel turns at a sharp forty-five degree angle here[otherwise if prog is 1]For some reason the tunnel takes a big crazy turn here[otherwise if prog is 2]There is a sharp turn in the tunnel but that is completely natural[unicode 8212]if slightly unnatural and profoundly worrying[otherwise if prog is 3]The tunnel twists with unholy purposefulness, leaving you confused and angry and dazzled in its wake[end if].[paragraph break]South: A dead end. Southwest: Wheel Chamber.". Section - Dead End Dead End is a room. "[if prog is 0]An upsetting scene: the skeleton of some ill-fated grave robber is stretched out here, as if he or she finally perished while still scraping uselessly at the walls[otherwise if prog is 1]There's a skeleton here! It's just lying there, as skeletons do[otherwise if prog is 2]There's a skeleton lying on the floor, which seems natural given that all flesh will eventually disintegrate and leave increasingly brittle bones bones behind to be chewed on by hyenas[otherwise if prog is 3]You look around the dead end and are shocked to see a skellington! Its awful hideousness is beyond that of any skellington you have ever seen or have definitely never seen before[end if].[paragraph break]North: [if prog is 0]The bend in the tunnel[otherwise if prog is 1]The bend in the tunnel[otherwise if prog is 2]That insane bend in the tunnel[otherwise if prog is 3]The rest of the tunnel that you are currently at the end of[end if].". Dead End is south of Tunnel. The skeleton skellington bone bones grave robber is scenery in Dead End. The printed name of the grave robber is "[if prog is 3]skellington[otherwise]skeleton[end if]". The description of the grave robber is "[if prog is 0]As a professional archaeologist, you have become inured to the sight of long-dead humans, but this specimen seems especially pitiful[otherwise if prog is 1]It's bad enough that it's a skeleton, but the undecomposed pieces of skin and hair still clinging to the bones are especially gross[otherwise if prog is 2]Its eye sockets are open wide even in death, as if to say, 'Here in the tomb of Apepsikret the Fantastic is definitely the perfect place to die and rot away until my eyes are eaten by bugs and leave behind only the empty eye sockets that I am talking out of right now,' even in death[otherwise if prog is 3]This skellington is not nearly as well-preserved or as good-looking as the embalmed corpse of your husband Apepsikret. This skellington is basically a huge chump[end if].". Instead of taking the skeleton, say "[if prog is less than 2]You can't move the remains around without your equipment[otherwise]That dude or chick belongs here[end if]." Instead of searching the skeleton, try examining the noun. After examining the skeleton the first time: say "[if prog is 0]You notice that the skeleton is wearing a pair of golden bracelets[otherwise if prog is 1]It has two golden bracelets around its skinny bone arms[otherwise if prog is 2]It is wearing a pair of golden bracelets that definitely do not belong to it and are definitely useless to it now[end if]."; now the pair of golden bracelets is in the location. The pair of golden bracelets is wearable. Understand "bracelet" and "them" as the bracelets. The initial appearance of the golden bracelets is "[if prog is 0]He or she is wearing a pair of golden bracelets[otherwise if prog is 1]It's wearing a pair of golden bracelets[otherwise if prog is 2]Its dead disintegrating skeleton arms are being wrapped around by a pair of golden bracelets[end if].". The description of the golden bracelets is "[if prog is 0]These golden bracelets look like the ones that the queen in that engraving was wearing. They are very handsome pieces[otherwise if prog is 1]These are bracelets that you are pretty sure you should wear[otherwise if prog is 2]These bracelets are perfect for a perfect woman like you, and you should be wearing them[otherwise if prog is 3]These are the bracelets that only Apepsikret's beautiful queen should wear, and is currently wearing right now[end if]." Does the player mean taking the golden bracelets: it is very likely. Section - Canopic Chamber Canopic Chamber is a room. "[if prog is 0]Based on your knowledge of ancient Egyptian tombs, you are led to believe that this room originally contained the canopic jars that housed Apepsikret's internal organs[unicode 8212]but judging from the rubble on the floor, the jars and their contents are long gone[otherwise if prog is 1]This is the room where they kept Apepsikret's lungs and stomach and liver and intestines, but the jars they were keeping them in are just rubble now[otherwise if prog is 2]This is the room where they keep all the precious rubble that tends to accumulate in ancient tombs[otherwise if prog is 3]This room is useless and you have better things to do[end if].[paragraph break]Northwest: Wheel Chamber. South: Queen's Statue Chamber. Southwest: Graven Chamber.". Canopic Chamber is southeast of Wheelroom and northeast of Graven Chamber. The precious rubble is scenery in Canopic Chamber. Understand "potsherd" and "sherd" and "shard" and "jar" and "jars" as the rubble. The description of the rubble is "[if prog is 0]You'll need to spend quite a while in the lab determining the exact origins of these potsherds. That should make for a relaxing and enjoyable afternoon[otherwise if prog is 1]It's just broken jars[otherwise if prog is 2]This rubble is of no interest to you specifically, although a boring archaeologist would probably be really excited about it[otherwise if prog is 3]Apepsikret is aware of the attention you lavish upon this rubble and he jealously disapproves of your dillydallying[end if]." Instead of searching the rubble, try examining the noun. Instead of taking the rubble, say "[if prog is 0]You've already collected the necessary samples[otherwise]The rubble is of no concern to you[end if]." Section - Queen's Statue Chamber Queenstatue is a room. "[if prog is 0]This room is dominated by a statue of Apepsikret's mysterious consort[otherwise if prog is 1]The statue in this room is a statue of Apepsikret's wife. A lucky woman[otherwise if prog is 2]Apepsikret's gorgeous queen stands here in statue form, and you nearly rival each other in beauty[otherwise if prog is 3]Apepsikret built this breathtaking statue of you because he loves you and he wants you to look at how breathtaking you are. What a sweet man he is[end if].[paragraph break]North: Canopic Chamber. West: Graven Chamber.". Queenstatue is south of Canopic Chamber and east of Graven Chamber. The printed name of Queenstatue is "Queen's Statue Chamber". The statue of the queen is here. [I didn't have time to implement the statue itself in the first version, and didn't even notice I had skipped it! Crazy!] The statue of the queen is a supporter. Instead of examining the statue of the queen: say "[if prog is 0]The larger-than-life figure of Apepsikret's anonymous queen stands here facing west, toward her husband[otherwise if prog is 1]The huge beautiful queen is just a huge statue of a beautiful queen[otherwise if prog is 2]The huge statue is regal and alluring in a way that distinctly reminds you of yourself[otherwise if prog is 3]You are more beautiful even than this statue, which is impossible, because this statue looks exactly like you, but even so there is no denying the truth, which is that you are bodacious[end if][if the golden necklace is supported by the statue of the queen]. She is wearing a golden necklace[end if]." Instead of taking the statue of the queen, say "The statue is too [if prog is 0]fragile[otherwise if prog is 1]heavy[otherwise if prog is 2]precious[otherwise if prog is 3]perfect[end if] for you to carry it around." Rule for writing a paragraph about the statue of the queen: say "The statue of the queen is wearing [a list of things supported by the statue of the queen]." Instead of putting something on the statue of the queen: if the noun is wearable: say "[if prog is less than 2]You feel that [the noun] belongs with you rather than with the statue[otherwise][The noun] is for you, not a boring sexy statue[end if]."; otherwise: say "[The noun] doesn't belong on the statue." The golden necklace is on the statue of the queen. The necklace is wearable. [This code for hooking was written by Emily Boegheim for our game Robin & Orchid; I have made only the tiniest adjustments. The relevant code in the competition release was hilariously underdone, although I guess it worked just fine. This code is better though.] Vaguely hooking is an action applying to one thing. Understand "hook [something]" as vaguely hooking. First instead of vaguely hooking something: if the player carries the crook: try hooking the noun with the crook; otherwise: say "You don't have anything to hook that with." Hooking it with is an action applying to two things. Understand "hook [something] with/using [something]" as hooking it with. Check hooking something with: if the second noun is not the crook: say "[The second noun] is unsuitable for hooking things; it has no hook." instead; if the noun is not the necklace: say "There doesn't seem much point in hooking that." instead; Does the player mean hooking something held with: it is unlikely. Instead of hooking the necklace with the crook: try taking the necklace. Taking it with is an action applying to two things. Understand "take [something] with/using [something]" and "get [something] with/using [something]" and "reach [something] with/using [something]" as taking it with. Check taking it with: say "It would be more convenient to grab [the noun] with your own hands." Does the player mean taking something carried with: it is very unlikely. Instead of taking the necklace with the crook: try taking the necklace. Check taking the necklace: if the necklace is not handled: if the player carries the crook: now the player carries the necklace; say "You get the hook of the crook around the necklace, and are able to pull it down and into your hands." instead; otherwise: say "The necklace is up around the neck of the statue, and impossible for you to reach without some kind of hooked implement." instead. The description of the golden necklace is "[if prog is 0]It would probably be very uncomfortable to wear such a heavy piece of jewelry[unicode 8212]but you can't stop thinking about how that weight would feel around your neck and shoulders[otherwise if prog is 1]It is a very pretty necklace. You deserve to wear it[otherwise if prog is 2]It is such a such a such a such a beautiful necklace. Your desire to wear it is inexplicable and unsettling. No it's not. It is completely normal[otherwise if prog is 3]Apepsikret is pleased that you have donned his necklace, the symbol of your eternal marriage to his mummified, magical majesty[end if]."